I have been declared dead and now rest in the sunders of disassociation. I love you, and I fabricate the day we will meet. I know not of this yet, but that I hope we will is enough. I can think of you upon a thought, a day dream, a swift envisioning of your presence. Just a touch, oh but if a touch, only one. My eyes lose their strength, they are weakened by the sight of you. You are a captivation, bringing resistance at its end. I wish upon this, that I should be able to look into your soul. Forever at peace you bring me, just a sound, a sound in the silence, your voice can melt me. It would be enough to just be able to look at your face, to see your thoughts. I have fallen to the sides of society, I reside in the cracks beneath the city walls. I see to the fallen souls, paying respect to those of a different kind. The scum of the earth, I see myself. I bring innocent spirits down, I entrap them in a melody of idealism. But forever I shall repent. For this and for you. May you find yourself in the lockets of time. May you wish upon the echoed existence of nature. May you let go of all that has ever had its pending albatross upon your heart. May you think in the daylight and melt your soul with the evening's grace.

I seek, I stumble, I seek, I stumble. What is to become of me? My soul, my despondent spirit, such a mockery to existence, such a fable, a fantasy. I plodder through the sense of loneliness; love is such a mystery. I am beaten, broken, helpless, and a wreck to society's grin. My dissenting mind is difficult, and my will stubborn. I have been underwater all these years, and at the sight of you, ready to reach land again. But alas, it not be. I have fought these serpents and now I rest in the seas. I cannot find you here, but I know where you are.

Every side has two sides.

My tendencies represent a fateless reality. I am pushed back, I am doubted. Time and time again I fix myself upon a shred of light, a truth existing among society's prevarications. I avoid everything right, I run away from anything good. And I am found helpless, observing my natural state, my human existence, my fatal wanderings. I look to the south, to the east, to my lovely surroundings. To the aesthetic feel of a heart throb, the morbid classification of needing a shocking element. I appease every rightful term to its innate behavior, in order to justify my own. I happenstance every event to the desire for no meaning. I cannot feel, I cannot breathe, I need these things but I am quite happy without them. I feel your presence and it betrays my existence. It inquires upon my subtle, sustaining words. My soul, my emotions, at peace within my weary countenance. I wont allow humbling myself, for it sides with unjustified poverty. I must not bring light upon that of which I do not completely agree with. But to be totally and noticeably in the depths, I feel what I do not feel, as it has a simpler meaning, which I do not express my condolences for. I wish myself to only be an idea, not a person, as I have made you the former, and sadly rejoice in it. I want to be an art, I shant be shamed of something so limitedly observed.

I love you. Oh so very much. It pains me so to see you rejected by the one you love. I am apt to learn you indeed, but I fear you. I fear what my mind has made you. I fear that you are an idea, and I will never know you. I will never fall in love with you. You just represent a world to me that I am never to access, never to attain the wonderings of love. But know that I want it, and I want you. But that will never happen, and I know it to be. I just wish I was her, the girl you love, the girl that rejected you, that couldn't love you the way you wanted her to. I would love you, all that and more. I would love you every day and a lifetime. I already do. If we can't be together I will still love you, as I have been. Every relationship of mine has been an absolute flake, none of it meaning anything. I always wonder why I am never able to give all of myself. But this is the reason. You are the reason. I love you. And I will forever more love you. Every day, every night, every afternoon. Not a day goes by where I don't think upon you, of you, your words softly echo in my vision. I see you aloft my imagination. I need to touch you. Just a touch. I will have touched the world if only you. If only you knew. But you must never. I only grace your eyes with a shaft of mine, only a weary sigh in the corner of your existence. Am I never to be realized? to be upon your understanding? Just a thought never to be spoken, just a wandering little wonder. Wandering around in wonder. What a wonder this wonder. A wonder. I wonder. A wonder. I would faint on sight if ever we did come to fruition. But that is a shay shay thought. I feel as though I make these impossible conditional reasonings so that I don't have to deal with the outcome if the condition is made. But I do know, deeply inside, it would never be right without you. Any relationship will be and has been a flake. Because they have not been you.